Exophonic?

I'm back! After living most of my life in the United States the English language has come to dominate my thinking and feeling. Nevertheless German words and expressions creep into my night and day dreams, my working hours and to do projects like unannounced guests. They linger, overstay their welcome and force me to stop what I'm doing to contemplate my strange bilingual existence. Americans get the ball rolling and Germans get the stone rolling. It's easy to get a ball rolling; a gust of wind might help and we won't even have to push it. But to get a stone rolling takes effort. In Germany nothing comes easy, everything takes effort. Is that our national character? Is that's why we need to get a stone rolling, why we can't make it easy for ourselves by using a ball? The stone versus ball debate occupies my head, I don't get anything done and forty-five minutes later I'm not smarter than before. There's an ease speaking and writing in English that I don't experience speaking and writing in German. The English language allows me to have more of a life, be more than what I once was. But like an old lover the German language won't allow me to abandon it. Look at me, it screams, I'm stronger, more precise, more forceful. You know it too.